Chapter 1    Eve                    Chapter 2    First Meeting        Chapter 3    Parents
    Chapter 4    School Days       Chapter 5   After School
    Chapter 6    Leaving the Mansion
    Chapter 7    A Recruiter         Chapter 8 Frigid                      Chapter 9    Abortion
    Chapter 10  Tabloid               Chapter 11  Last
 

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    I sat at a secluded table on the patio of the Broadmoor while twilight disappeared behind the shoulder of Cheyenne mountain. Sipping an after dinner scotch, I tried to decide what to do with the rest of the evening, when a change in the shadows turned my head. At first I thought it was my waitress returning to fill my glass, but that though disappeared as fast as it came because long sleeves, long hem, and a low cut top became apparent.
    She was tall, curvaceous, and graceful. "It looks like you need some pussy." Before I could recover my composure, she moved to the table, pulled out a chair, and sat down. "I'm sorry, I apologize, I should never have said that, besides, I have no intention of satisfying your needs."
    "I apologize for forgetting my manners, I'm Jim Smith."
    "You may call me Eve."
    "Your opening remark unsettled me, I have not received such a crude approach since I was in Tijuana." She laughed. "Does my appearance or behavior betray the status of my sex life?" She laughed again.
    "Forgive me for being so bold." She looked at the lake. "I'm assuming you don't have any plans for the rest of the evening, neither do I and I was hoping you would satisfy my curiosity. I followed you into the dinning room and observed much of what has transpired. Would you fill in the gaps? I would like to know if my conclusions about your evening are correct. You don't dance do you?" She finally paused.
    "No, I don't have plans for the rest of the evening. Yes, I dance, but not very well, my feet march to a different drummer and only occasionally do they move to the same music my ears hear. Tonight was not one of those rare nights so I declined to dance with the young ladies."
    "Let me tell you what I think happened and you correct as I talk." She proceeded to tell me her version of the evening, it was remarkably correct. "Your colonel told your commanding officer that you were on a special assignment on Friday night and he was to make sure you were free to go, you knew where to go and what to do. You were to meet him here and entertain the nieces so he could make time with the aunt, but when you arrived one of the young ladies was sick and you decided to excuse yourself after dinner. Am I right?"
    "Yes."
    "You were gallant, sending roses to the absent young lady. I'll bet she cried herself to sleep. Also, I'll bet, you asked her out when she was feeling better."
    "Correct."
    "I like that, chivalry is not dead." We watched the lights come on in the ice arena across the lake. "Would you take me home?"
    "Yes."
    She summarized her life story on the way without my asking. She was well educated and well traveled. Her family was very wealthy and lived on the east coast. They disowned her because she refused to get professional help for her heroin addiction. She was turned into a prostitute to support her habit. A friend made her quit cold turkey. He was killed in a car accident, but his best friend, Joe, survived.
    Joe remained in charge of the organization they created and provided her with an income. She became an alcoholic trying to drown her loneliness. Her best friend, Middy, who started her heroin habit, made her join AA. She kicked the alcohol habit and became active in AA. She decided to move west, to Colorado Springs.
    She enjoyed Colorado in earlier years, no bad memories were associated with the state. She wrote letters to her family, but she would not visit them. We arrived at her apartment, "Will you come in and talk." I followed her. "I want to tell someone the complete story and wondered if you would be that someone."
    "Sure."
    She prepared pie a la mode, "Here, eat while I change." She left the room, but continued to talk. She returned before I finished the pie, wearing a long night gown covered by a very tasteful house coat. Everything about and around Eve was tasteful. She was a beautiful woman, with long light brown hair, five foot ten, 36, 26, 38, about 140 pounds, and fifteen years old than I. She wore eye shadow every time she went out and some times lip stick, she had removed both.
    She spent the next three hours expanding her earlier summary, starting with her best friend Middy. They grew up together since age nine, lived next door, went to school together, they seldom did anything apart. Middy decided what they would do and Eve did it first. Eve had the first date, the first kiss, the first dance, the first cigarette, the first drink, the first shoplifting, the first petting, the first sex, and the first heroin.
    Middy never tried heroin and regretted the day she told Eve to try it. The pusher wanted Eve and made sure she became addicted, then convinced her to move in with him. After he had taken her money and when her family wouldn't give her any more, he sold her to his friends. When the effects of the addiction became to disconcerting, he sold her to a pimp. The pimp sold her to high priced clients until Eve looked haggard, then he put her on the street.
    Her friend, Doc, found her in an air shaft one night and started her recovery. She had lost fifty pounds and had many diseases. He brought her back from death to health and gave her a reason to live, in the process, she fell in love with him.
    He was in a car accident a few years after her recovery and died from multiple injuries after a two week struggle. Eve was holding his hand when he died and heard his last words, "That other place."
    "I had a terrible time when Doc died, I didn't expect him to die. Each day his speech improved, I thought he was getting better. I never envisioned him lying in bed, he was always standing beside a bed comforting someone else. I, just, couldn't accept the fact that he was the one in the bed.
    During the second week, he uttered several long clear tirades and the day before he died, he eloquently told me an allegory involving trees."
    Joe helped her recover from grief, but no one could replace Doc. Eve turned to the bottle as a substitute because she had promised Doc she would never use heroin again. After Middy made her join AA, she recovered quickly, and once again regained her health.
    She wore eye shadow to mask her sunken eyes, the only outward sign of her past she couldn't cover with clothing. If she watched her language anyone would think she lived a sedate life. But Eve wouldn't control her impulses, she would switch from sophisticated language to street talk and back again without skipping a beat. Her stories were never consistent or in any particular order and she made no attempt to make them consistent or put them in order.
    Fatigue set in and I stood to leave, Eve, sensing what I was about to do came over and took my hand, "You may as well relieve yourself before you leave. Don't say anything, I just changed my mind, that's all," and led me to her bedroom.
    She had not just changed her mind, the bed spread, blankets, and top sheet were neatly folded on the cedar chest at the foot of the bed. She removed her house coat and night gown, but not her long silk stockings or her long sleeves. They covered her needle scars, she didn't want anyone to see or touch those scars, not even incidentally.
    She gestured for me to put my clothes next to hers on top of the bed clothes. She lay on the bed and spread her legs. I entered easily, without any fore play, not even a kiss and that was the way sex with her was to be. She turned her face away when our bodies met and wrapped her legs around me so tight, I couldn't move. I knew she was crying and understood, I slid my arms underneath her and held her.
    This was the only other time that Eve stopped talking. When we were alone she never stopped except when she reached orgasm and when we were with other people she rarely said anything. Doc was gone and she was still coping with loneliness, she didn't use his name until our third meeting. She didn't have a friend, not even a neighbor, Eve wouldn't let anyone get close.
    She helped other alcoholics, but at a distance and always about the other person, she never let herself become a part of the relationship. Eight years is a long time to be alone and now she was finishing the grief process.
    Eventually she release her legs, I began to move and she began to talk. An hour later she said, "It's time for you to go." We washed and I dressed. "See, I knew you were horny. You came three times before you missed a stroke."
    As she walked me to her door, she gave me her address card, "Now you can call if you can't come. You know like that old joke of why there is a phone in a whore house." She laughed.
    The next Wednesday, I called, she didn't wait for me to ask, "Come over and have spaghetti," so I did. She spent most of the evening talking about Middy. When Middy was nine, her father bought a two masted sail boat. Middy wore a sailor suit every time she came on board. She strut up and down the deck barking orders to imaginary sailors. Soon her family and friends called her midshipman and later contracted it to Middy.
    Middy was a kind and considerate friend, but at times she would be mean and vicious. Eve always let Middy dominate, she did what ever Middy said. Eve had changed since her recovery from alcoholism, she became dominate or at least more assertive.
    "How was your date? You know, with the niece? I figured they were leaving soon, so you would have to meet on Saturday or Sunday. Come on, tell me and don't leave out any details."
    "You're right. On Sunday and I can't remember a more pleasant date. I received a message at lunch, to meet her at four in the lobby, she would be holding a rose.
    She was short, very well proportioned, but not as good looking as the other two. She had short black hair and her dress was perfect for her, accenting her figure and complimenting her skin tone, we were a handsome couple.
    She didn't drink or smoke, adding to my enjoyment. She was honest, direct, and tactful and she put me at ease quickly and easily. We had dinner at the Broadmoor and went for an after dinner walk, it was a beautiful evening.
    I told her, 'The sunsets this time of the year are unique. The sun appears to set in Ute pass and as it sets, there will be one golden shaft of light against a dark background'.
    That is exactly what happened, she was pleased.
    While we were waiting for the sun to set, we told each other about ourselves. Neither of us was at a loss for words, we were very relaxed. She was twenty two and had never danced with a man, she only had one date, so after sunset I took her dancing. She was reluctant because she was not a good dancer. Her girl friends would only dance with her when no one else was available.
    I told her I wasn't very good either, but it was one of those rare nights, I could do no wrong. I danced the best I could remember and she moved right with me. It was so enjoyable, we both forgot the time and they were leaving early the next morning. When she realized how late it was she wanted to return immediately, but I told her there was one more thing I wanted to show her and it wouldn't take very long.
    I took her to the mesa over looking the city, what a sight. The night air was very clear and the city lights were sparkling jewels. She began to weep and put her head on my shoulder, I held her hand.
    'This is the most memorable night of my life, I don't know how to repay you.'
    'You already have by being such a beautiful date', now she cried."
    "She wanted you, boy did she want you."
    Eve stood, "Take me to see the lights."
    "Now?"
    "Now. We can talk there." I drove her to the mesa. "Continue."
    "After a while she stopped, thanked me again for the date, the roses, and yes, she did cry herself to sleep Friday night. The cramps were so bad, she spent most of the evening bent over holding her ankles. After she read my note with the roses, she forgot about the cramps, threw herself on the bed, and just plain bawled."
    "What did you write on the note?"
    "May the red roses take the blues away. Would you have dinner with me before you leave?"
    Eve nodded. "We sat, holding hands with her head on my shoulder, looking at the lights and talking until the stars faded. I drove quickly back, she gave me a nice kiss, and said a hurried good bye. I drove back to post, changed into my fatigues, and made it back to my unit just in time to go to the field with the troops."
    Eve looked at me with a skeptical glance, "You didn't make a pass at her?"
    "No, I didn't make a pass at her, sex never entered my mind."
    "Even after she said, 'I don't know how to repay you?'"
    "I didn't even try to kiss her, I wasn't aroused at any time during the date.
    Another thing, I had gone thirty six hours without sleep and I wasn't tired." I looked at Eve, "Why are you teary eyed?"
    "Empathy. I know how she felt, a young woman on her first real date and all you did was hold her hand." She kissed my cheek. "Thank you. It is beautiful."
    "Your welcome."
    "Take me back."
    Eve was delighted with the details of the date. She wanted me to tell her about my other dates. "I have to leave, maybe another time, I will come again," and I did a couple of weeks later. Eve was interested in my romances and especially if I had sex. If I told her my date rebuffed my advances or would not have sex after accepting my advances, she would say, "Poor baby," and lead me to her bedroom, "We can't have you going around half cocked, now can we? We can talk later." Then she would laugh.
    She never waited to talk later, it was as if my being there opened the flood gates and her words came pouring out. If I wanted sex, all I had to do was ask. If she wanted sex, she would meet me at her door and lead me to her bedroom before I could finish my greeting.
    During the third meeting Eve finally used Doc's name. Doc was a genius with a fantastic memory. He was a homely man, almost ugly. He had a large head, bald except for a fringe, with heavy bones around his eyes, giving him an ape like appearance. He was built like a fire plug; short, five seven and one hundred sixty pounds, with very little fat; with short powerful legs and very long strong arms, hands, and fingers. He couldn't run fast, but he could move very quickly. Many underestimated Doc's capabilities and didn't live to regret their error.
    From the third meeting on, Doc was the focus of her stories. I soon realized Doc's story was incredible and I mentioned it to her. "I'm going to write a book about him some day," that was thirty years ago and I have never seen her book in print.
    I met Eve many times over the next five months and each time we met she seemed happier and more relaxed, but every now and then she made an off hand remark such as, "I don't want to say good bye or I know we won't see each other again." For all of her bad experiences, she was content and satisfied. She continued to ask about my dates and became very excited when I brought a letter from the niece. She could hardly wait to read it.
    'My aunt will stay in Colorado Springs another week, I asked her to buy a gift. I apologize for such a hurried good bye, I was afraid I would cry again. Your shoulder must have been a sponge to hold all my tears.
    Thank you for your greeting in the lobby, I relaxed when you understood.'
    Eve looked up, "How did you greet her?"
    "Nothing special, all I said was, 'Blind dates are anxious moments aren't they and even more so when you are alone.'
    She was so nervous she forgot to bring the rose and was afraid I wouldn't recognize her. Her fears vanished when I walked directly to her and introduced myself."
    'Your confidence put me at ease and I knew we would have a pleasant evening.
    You told me you were not a good dancer, well you certainly swept me off my feet.
    Thank you for not doing anything to mar my memory, I will never forget our date. I dried and pressed one of the roses, I will cherish it forever.
    Thank you for being a gentleman, I was very vulnerable and I can't thank you enough, but hope the gift will remind you of my gratitude every time you wear them.'
    "What did she give you?"
    "A pair of silver pistol cuff links."
    "No return address!" Eve put her arms around me. "You would like to have another date with her wouldn't you?"
    "I would like to dance with her again," I put my arms around Eve. "Something else, I know will interest you."
    "What?"
    "I happened to see the Colonel at the club one night and he signaled me to come to his table. He couldn't wait to tell me what her aunt told him. Her aunt gave her the third degree because she returned so late. After five minutes of interrogation, she silenced her aunt with two words, when her aunt asked, 'Did he behave himself?'
    'His behavior was impeccable, DAMN IT.'
    Everyone at the table laughed and it was the anecdote of the night."
    Eve roared. "See, I told you she wanted you, but she was to naive, she didn't know how to tell you without violating everything she was taught. I agree with Doc, this is one example where ignorance protects us when sophistication can lead to tragedy."
    It took awhile, but I discovered why Eve was so interested in my love affairs, she wanted me to be a better lover. She was very subtly coaching me and then asked questions to find out if her coaching made a difference. When I challenged her, she admitted she was. After that she was very direct, "There are so many unsatisfied partners in the world and I'm going to help satisfy your partners."
    "Aren't you afraid I will take advantage of women?"
    "No, you will never take advantage of any woman. You've never lied to a woman in your life and I'm willing to bet you wouldn't lead a woman on. Am I right?"
    "Not consciously."
    "Besides you're husband material and what woman wouldn't want you. Women will do the damnedest things to get a husband and will justify their actions with even worse logic. If anyone will be taken advantage of, it will be you. You seem to be aware of women's wiles, but I think I can add a few more to be on guard against.
    Returning to the topic of unsatisfied partners, you can satisfy your partner without having sex. Even men don't need sex to be satisfied, your date with the niece is a prime example.
    Most women want romantic sex, but mostly they want romance and as Doc often said, 'Women only want a little romance and that is what men give them, a little romance, DAMN LITTLE.'
    They want to be treated like a lady. They want to be treated with respect. They want to be treated like they have value in their own right."
    "I agree."
    "Doc and I had many long discussions on this topic. He from a personal and a medical point of view and me from a personal and a professional point of view or at least what I can remember. The heroin kind of messed up my memory and my perception of reality.
    This philosophy that we are supposed to look out for the other person and not take care of ourselves is a bunch of bunk. Everyone should be self centered, but not selfish and not at the expense of anyone else. It's amazing how much less baggage you carry with you. You know, like guilt complexes and ego problems and such. And even more amazing is the satisfaction of those around you, especially your sex partners." She continued on the same topic for the rest of the evening.
    My tour of duty was ending in March and Eve knew I would be leaving soon. She planned a special going away dinner for me and asked me to call her the last week in February. I called and no answer, I went to her apartment, the landlord said, "She's moved and left no forwarding address." I checked with the post office, the same result. Since we had no mutual friends, I had no where to go. She didn't own a car so I couldn't trace her that way. All I knew was her AA name, that's all anyone knew.
    About ten years later, I received a letter from the organization, Eve had been killed in a commercial airline crash. Enclosed was a short note she wrote for that event.
    "I enjoyed your company very much. You will never know how much our relationship meant to me. Thank you for being gentle and patient with me. You were the only man who could turn me on, merely by saying hello, you were very satisfying.
    Thank you for listening to me and helping me accept being alone, I did make new friends after I left Colorado. I know you will marry and have a family, that's why I left when I did. I apologize for leaving that way, but I could not say good bye.
    I wish the best for you and your family. I will love you always. Eve"
    Obviously, I have not told you everything we did or said, nor will I, but here is the story Eve told me as best I can remember.
 

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    After Doc died, Eve and Joe grieved together for nearly a year. They told stories to relieve their grief, stories about Doc, stories about themselves, or stories Doc told them. They added facts to mutual stories that the other forgot or didn't know. They laughed and cried and hugged one another. Joe was not the most intelligent person in the world and Eve's brain and memory were impaired by her experience with heroin, but Doc had coached them well, they understood most of what he said. They knew Doc's wishes, his out look on life, and it helped them recover. The stories began when Eve asked, "How did you become friends with Doc?"
    "I met Doc shortly after he returned from his grandparents farm. Doc sold his last newspaper to a man coming out of a warehouse office on a side street used only by cabs and delivery trucks. Doc was putting the money in his pocket and the man stepped into the street to hail a cab when I raced around the corner, leaving drops of blood on the sidewalk with each step. Doc sized up the situation instantly, he went into the drive between the office and the warehouse, pick up a long piece of cardboard, folded one flap under, and ran to the side walk, he knew someone would be close behind me.
    I tried to get into the cab, but collapsed from exhaustion, when the man pushed me away. The cab drove away before he could shut the door, the cabby saw me and didn't want me in his cab.
    Doc placed the cardboard on the side walk with the flap underneath and beyond the curb. He stood on the cardboard, grabbed my collar, and walked backwards dragging me on to the cardboard. The flap jammed against the curb and stopped the cardboard from sliding as he dragged me on to it. He flipped the flap up to keep my blood on the cardboard and dragged me into the drive being careful to go around the blood on the side walk. He hid me behind some packing crates and covered me with scrap cardboard and paper. He returned to the street and walked in the same direction as the cab.
    Three men came around the corner following the trail of blood. They stopped Doc, 'Where did the boy go?' Doc pointed to the cab at the end of the block, delayed by two delivery trucks. They ran after the cab. One truck moved and the cab driver squealed his tires as he drove away. A car came around the corner and as the three men got in, 'Follow that cab'. The delivery trucks blocked the street again until one driver saw a gun. Quickly he moved his truck and the car sped away.
    Doc ran back to me and tucked paper around me until I was completely covered. He pulled on the cardboard, dragging me around the blood on the side walk and across the street. When he came to the corner he turned left and turned the opposite direction at every corner, until he could pull no more.
    Fortunately my blood didn't seep through and the few cars and people who passed us, paid no attention. After resting, Doc looked for a hiding place. He stepped into the street, but a cab blocked his path and a familiar voice said, 'Can I help?' Together they put me in the cab. 'Where to?'
    'Take us home.' Doc stopped my bleeding while they talked.
    'Don't ask me why, something told me to turn and stop. I didn't know it was you until I was out of my cab.'
    'It must have been mental telepathy, but what ever it was, I was sure glad to see you.'
    The warehousemen carried me in and put me on Doc's bed, while Doc said a hurried good bye to the cabby. Doc cut my clothes off, cleaned, and treated my cuts. Most were not deep, I still have scars to remind me of that day. He bandaged the deep cuts, covered me with his blankets, and let me sleep. The owner brought in another cot and bedroom items so I could stay with Doc.
    I groaned when I woke and Doc was right there, he told me not to talk. He put ice on my face and placed a small piece of ice on my lips. 'Let the water run into your mouth, don't let the ice fall in.' I swallowed a small amount of water. 'Try to sleep.'
    Each time I woke, Doc placed another small piece of ice on my lips and more ice on my face. The next afternoon I could see and drink milk from a straw. By night fall, I could walk without help and the next day I was eating soft food. Doc could even understand me and told me what happened while I was out.
    When my face was back to normal, Doc told me to go to school, I refused. The next day I worked in the warehouse. We took turns working in the warehouse on Saturday and keeping the stove going every night. On the alternate Saturdays and nights, I went my own way. Nearly every week, I came home beat up. Doc said, 'If you're going to fight, you better learn how. I'll teach you.'
    I laughed, but not for long, Doc decked me before I could draw my next breath. I looked up at him, 'Where'd you learn how to do that?'
    I picked my self up, 'And I thought I was good.' He told me when he first started to sell newspapers, the bigger boys would beat him up and take his newspapers, and chase him away from the better corners. He did two things, first he read every book in the library on marshal arts and second he changed his strategy for selling newspapers.
    I couldn't believe it, 'You learned that from books?' Doc nodded. 'OK, Doc, you convinced me, I'm going back to school.' No one bothered me at school, everyone knew I came with Doc. Doc got some books from the library and we learned together. It was much easier to practice with a partner than with your shadow, much safer too. Our mistakes were very evident and we could correct them without loosing a fight or getting hurt. I was more athletic than Doc and could do things Doc couldn't, but he beat me with brute strength.
    As I improved, I didn't come home beat up as often, I won more than I lost. Doc tried to get me to avoid a fight if possible. If not, to end the fight quickly so my opponent couldn't get help and I could get away before the police came.
    It took awhile, but I finally learned, Doc knew what he was talking about and used what he knew, he wasn't just a know it all. As our friendship grew, I began to confide in Doc and told him a little at a time why I was fighting.
    The winter before I met Doc, I struck up a conversation with a hooker when I was looking for warm place to sleep. She took me to her apartment, shared with three others, they worked for the same pimp. I was such a hit with the girls, they invited me to stay if I would do the cooking and the housekeeping. I'm a good cook and I don't mind the other chores, I would've done almost anything to stay warm. I didn't go to school so their hours didn't bother me, I went to work when they did.
    One morning their pimp woke us, yelling, 'Where's my money?' He slapped the girls. Business was bad and they had spent every penny on food and rent. 'Where's my money?' He hit each one harder.
    As he moved around the room, hitting them again, he noticed me under the blankets and pulled them off, 'You know the rules, no clients in your apartment.'
    'He's not a client, he's a friend, he needed a place to sleep.'
    'Get your things and don't come back.' I got dressed, pick up my things, and left. I went across the street and hid under a stairway. When the pimp came out, I went back, he had beaten them pretty bad. They said I had to go.
    'No, I won't go, I'll put a lock and bolt on the door. When he comes I'll hide on the fire escape before you open the bolt.' They didn't like it, but they let me do it. When the pimp returned the following week, he didn't like the lock and bolt on the door either, but he let it stay when the girls claimed someone was stealing their things.
    The cat and mouse game continued until the week before I met Doc. None of us had enough money to satisfy the pimp and he beat them. I had it and came back into the apartment and hit the pimp from behind and knocked him out.
    'You shouldn't've done that, now, he will kill us', and they began to pack. The pimp began to come around before we left, all five of us beat him. The girls really let him have it, they were fighting for their lives and they knew it. We left him unconscious on the floor. They hoped he wouldn't be able to find them and would forget them. He didn't find them, he found me.
    I didn't see him until the last second and moved backward just enough so he didn't knock me out. He was a poor fighter, but he had me on the ropes and landed several blows to my face. I held him off until I recovered and beat the tar out of him.
    He pulled a knife and cut me many times on the arms and legs, but I didn't let him stick me. He made a mistake, I kicked him in the balls, I didn't wait to watch him fall, I was around the corner and down the block before he staggered and fell on his own knife.
    The pimp was making his payment to the mob collectors when he saw me. He must've told them to wait, he had some unfinished business to take care of and would be right back and ran around the corner after me.
    The collectors didn't see me and didn't know who he was after. When the pimp didn't return they came after him. They saw the pimp fall and me run away, but not good enough to recognize me. They followed my blood drops.
    A couple of months later I introduced Doc to the girls. A client beat one of them and I wanted Doc to look at her, he didn't find anything major. Then I had to tell Doc the whole story, I didn't have to tell him very much, he knew.
    The girls invited Doc to eat at their apartment. During the next year, Doc became their friend, their confidant, their first aider, and their doctor. He checked them and helped keep yeast and urinary infections under control. If he found anything serious, he sent them to an MD and kept them off the street until they were no longer contagious.
    We took turns sleeping at their apartment. It was a long walk, but Doc said, 'Meals cooked by Joe were worth the walk.' I left a pot of soup, chili, or stew on the stove and roast meat in the ice box, anyone could eat at any time. The girls were great for Doc, they let him do anything. If he wanted to look at them or to probe, he could look at anything or probe anywhere, anytime, for as long as he wanted and they answered his questions without hesitation. Between the girls and his deliveries Doc learned a lot about women. And men.
    My life story is nearly the same as Doc's, except my parents are alive, I just don't know where they are. I was three years older than Doc, but one year behind in school. As Doc learned more about me, he made suggestions to help me. I did what Doc said and everything he told me, worked.
    So two unwanted children became fast friends. Our friendship grew stronger each day, it became so strong we risked our lives for one another. Doc often said, 'I didn't save your life, I prevented your premature death.'" Joe cried and Eve cried with him. Slowly they stopped and Eve said, "Do you remember when we met."
    "How could I forget, it was the third most embarrassing event in Doc's life and I talked him into going, he never forgave me for that. He didn't go out very much and I thought Middy's party would do him some good."
    "You were always invited to all the important parties, the ladies liked having a smooth talking, tall, dark, handsome over dresser at their parties. You over dressed most of the time. If the occasion was casual, you wore a sports coat, if sports clothing, you wore a suit, if suits, you wore a tux, if formal, you wore casual."
    "I still do, but that night I wore a black tux."
    "You attended several of Middy's parties, but we never met. Middy went from person to person, chatting for a while and moved to the next person with me in tow. She walked up to a group of women surrounding you, 'Well, what attraction do we have here?' Then she saw Doc, 'Come Eve, let's leave this organ grinder and his monkey to their audience', and walked away. I looked at Doc and dutifully followed Middy. Through his anger, Doc could see the hurt on my face, I could tell. Our eyes met briefly and we both felt a strange bond form between us. We met and talked at several other parties."
    "Doc decided to ask you for a date, but you never came again. He asked, but if anyone knew, they were afraid to tell him. He didn't see you again until the night of his second most embarrassing event, many months later. He went with me to a party at Middy's penthouse, I really had to twist his arm to get him to go."
    Instantly Eve could visualize riding the private elevator to the penthouse, it was on three levels. The first had a receiving room, a utility room, and toilets. The second had a kitchen, a breakfast nook, a dinning room, and a study. The third a large sunken living room with a glass wall on one side with glass doors at each end that opened to the patio. On the other three sides, were open hallways with bedrooms opposite the living room. Four open stairways gave access to the living room from the hallways, one near each patio door and two in the hallway opposite the patio, equidistant between the end hallways. The patio over looked the two lower levels, the park, and the city. Round tables were in the middle and square tables were pushed up against the outer brick wall. The wall was only a tier above the square tables allowing anyone sitting at them a view of the park below.
    "I remember the penthouse well, I spent many enjoyable summer days at the penthouse. I especially enjoyed the patio, I liked to sit in the sun, drink lemonade, and watch the people in the park."
    "Well that night the party was in full swing when we got there. Doc couldn't get into the party mood, he greeted the other guests, but couldn't talk with any of them. He soon became bored and went to the kitchen for a glass of ginger ale. I passed him in the hall and shouted at him, 'Stay away from Middy, she's playing rapo.'
    'What do you mean? I don't like Middy and she doesn't like me, I don't intend to talk with her.'
    Several women pulled me down the hall before I could explain. Doc knew they pulled me away on purpose, but he didn't come after me, he shook his head and went to the patio. The patio was empty, he was glad, he wanted to be by himself. He chose a table next to the wall near the center and set his glass in the center of the table. He put one hand on each corner and leaned forward.
    Doc liked the city at night, it was the only time the city looked beautiful to him, he couldn't see the filth. He knew Middy came up behind him, he didn't like her perfume. 'Hello Middy', he didn't say anything more and he didn't look at her, he ignored her."
    "That was one reason Middy didn't like Doc, he ignored her."
    "Middy tried to get Doc's attention, but nothing worked, she bumped him, she leaned on his back, she blew in his ear, she even kissed him. She tried putting one breast on each side of his arm and moved up and down. Doc continued to look at the city. Then she pulled her dress up, spread her legs, and sat on Doc's hand. He could feel pubic hair, the softness of labia, and lubricating fluid against the back of his hand, but Doc still looked at the city.
    Middy move away, slapped his face and ran to the living room door, holding the hem of her dress at her waist. Doc ran after her. She went up the stairway, ran down the hall at the end of the living room, turned the corner and ran past the first stairway.
    From the way she moved Doc thought she was going into one of the bedrooms, but it was only a feint. At the next stairway she ran down into the living room still holding the hem of her dress at her waist and yelled, 'Rape'.
    Only then did Doc see what else she had done. She had pulled one shoulder of her dress down to her waist exposing her bra on that side and dropped her panties down around one ankle. Everyone laughed except Doc, he was boiling mad, his bald head was a vivid red. He turned and fled the penthouse without me.
    He walked aimlessly through the city. Dawn came before he cooled down and looked for landmarks. He was in the middle of a long dark block in the abandon building section of town. The street was empty, not a vehicle in either direction. 'Which way should I go?'
    'Help me', you called from an air shaft. 'Please help me.'"
    Tears streamed down Eve's cheeks, Joe held her and continued. "As Doc walked carefully, to avoid tripping on the litter, a dark figure brushed past him and ran. The air was foul, but he could smell seminal fluid. He bent over and saw the nude lower half of your body. The upper half was covered with cardboard and old newspapers. He removed the debris, picked you up, and carried you down the street. When he reached the corner, 'I'm only a mile from the clinic'.
    As he approached, one of our people recognized him and ran to help. When Doc declined, he ran ahead, yelled, 'Code red' in the door, and held it open. When Doc set your lifeless body on an exam table, a team was ready.
    Your hair was matted with vomit, your arms and legs were pocked with needle scars, diarrhea caked your bottom and the back of your thighs, sores covered your body, and you had been raped.
    'CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT', Doc said to everyone and yet to no one. 'Some guys would stick it into a rock pile', he shook his head.
    Our staff put your clothes and his into an incinerator bag, scrubbed you, and took your vital signs. After a shower and clean clothes, Doc received a preliminary report and resumed the examination. When he looked into your eyes, 'My God    Eve'.
    After a slight hesitation, he continued. When he was finished, 'I don't think she will survive, she has lost to much weight and heroin withdrawal is imminent'. That was all the instructions they needed.
    He did everything he could for you, professionally and personally. He held you, kept you warm, and told you anything and everything that came into his mind, to keep you awake, alert, and focused on something besides heroin. He stayed with you around the clock for the first two days and never out of ear shot for the next two weeks.
    Doc didn't require much sleep, with four hours a day he was fine. He took half hour naps when he was tired. While his endurance amazed our staff, the birth of a child and the tenacity for life, amazed Doc, no matter how many times he witness them. That tenacity allowed you to live. Except for gonorrhea, the other diseases were brought under control without further damage."
    Eve stopped sobbing, but tears continued streaming down her face. "Doc hated the day when he told me, 'You'll never have children'. I cried and he held me there was nothing else he could do. It took two years for me to recover as much as I ever would. I had a terrible time with heroin withdrawal as well as regaining my body weight and strength.
    After withdrawal, Doc switched to topics intended to help me recover mentally. He said, 'You are the best adjusted addict I've ever seen'. He used the same techniques on other addicts with good results and incorporated them into to our new treatment program.
    During my recovery I fell in love with Doc. After hearing the stories of his life I could understand why Doc was the way he was. I could accept all he was and all he had done. Doc was a man of contradictions. He had a fantastic memory, but he would forget names, dates, time, etc. He was strong and very violent, but very gentle. He had great mental power, but he couldn't see his own foibles. He had tolerance and compassion and at the same time, no tolerance and he couldn't forgive. He gave a lot of love and yet so much indifference.
    Being an unwanted child has to be the next thing to hell. I still can't imagine it, even after hearing many stories. I always had the support of my family even when I was an addict, they just wouldn't give me any more money to support my habit.
    They knew I would get help only when I decided to get it. It was hard for them to do, but they had to let me fall, any other course of action would only delay the time to recovery. Until I made the decision they could only hope and pray I would some how survive and recover. I understand now, I didn't then.
    I knew I could have their support any time I asked for it. You and Doc and your siblings never had any support. I knew others suffered the same fate, but when I saw the results up close and personal at the clinic, Doc had to give me counseling every night after work. Less than a third of them recovered and lead normal lives. Their stories like yours and Doc's contained a repeated thread, 'I wish I were dead'.
    When I no longer needed the services of the clinic, I moved into Doc's apartment and worked with him. I learned his view of life and death, of men and women, of pain and suffering, of money, power, sex, education, and other topics. I witnessed his fierce loyalty to our people and their loyalty to him. A mere hint by Doc was immediately accomplished and Doc would do his best to satisfy any suggestion they made.
    Our people knew they could make mistakes, as long as they were not mistakes of carelessness and so long as they told someone so the mistake could be corrected as soon as possible. Doc told them over and over, 'Don't make a second mistake after the first by lying or hiding the first mistake, we might recover from the first, but we can never recover from the second.'
    Doc never made a pass at me, not even in jest, but I could feel his emotion and took the initiative. One afternoon when Doc went to the apartment for a nap, I went with him and instead of going to my room went into his. He looked at me, 'I want you Doc, I want to be your woman.'
    'I love you Eve.'
    We embraced, undressed, had sex, and fell asleep in each others arms very satisfied. I moved my things into our bedroom. We were together most of the time, but I understood his need for solitude and let him go off by himself when he needed it.
    Doc accused me of being a normal woman and I laughed. 'Women seem to know what a man is feeling, wants, and needs and they think their man knows what they feel, want, and need; when most men don't have a clue to what their women are feeling. Men think they know what their women want and are in oblivion about their needs.' But he countered his own statement with, 'Men know women better than women know men.'
    'I agree, but I still feel that men know what their women feel, want, and need.'
    'That proves you're a normal woman.'
    We had long discussions and learned together, it helped me. I felt good about myself for the first time and I wanted to share what I learned with others. I told Doc and he made arrangements for us to talk to any group who wanted to learn more about sex education, health, or heroin addiction. Doc was an advocate for sex education in the high schools and sexual counseling by doctors. Very few did either at that time.
    During a presentation, a minister questioned Doc's position on sex education saying, 'People shouldn't have sex for pleasure, sex was ordained by God for procreation and teaching sex would encourage young people to have sex out of wedlock.'
    'We don't encourage young people to have sex out of wedlock, but if they do we want them to have sex without having babies or transmitting disease.
    Your last statement is stupid, it's equivalent to saying, "I know about disease so I will go get sick, or I know how to splint a leg so I will break my leg, or better yet, I'm a diabetic and I learn about the effects of sugar so I eat sugar."
    How stupid can you get.
    Knowledge can't prevent anything until a person knows and then acts on the knowledge they have. Stupid people will not or can not learn from the mistakes of others, they have to make every mistake for themselves.
    Knowledge discourages premature sex rather than encouraging it, schools with good sex education programs have fewer unwed mothers and lower VD rates.
    How many children do you have?'
    'I have six.'
    'How often did you have sex with your wife after you knew she was pregnant?' He hemmed and hawed and became flustered, obviously he didn't want to answer the question. 'You have answer my question.
    Why did you have sex with your wife after you knew she was pregnant, obviously it wasn't for procreation and you knew it.' The minister gave some very weak answers such as 'I forgot or she wanted me.'
    'Let me tell you why you had sex with your wife when you knew she was pregnant. People have sex to renew and reinforce pair bonds as well as to have children. This is one of the emotional ties we try to explain to high school students. You cannot have sex without forming a bond with the other person and the more you have sex with the same person the stronger the old bonds become as you add a new one.
    If you break these bonds for any reason you will go through all the symptoms of grief, the severity will be determined by the strength of the bonds broken. If you wait to have sex until you are married the bonds will be even stronger than if you had sex before marriage and even stronger if you are virgin when you are married.
    You can't have causal sex and walk away scot free. You may think you can, but it doesn't work that way. You will form a bond even with a prostitute. When those bonds are broken it will play games with your mind, there is no such thing as a free lunch, you will pay a price in some manner, plus the risk of disease and unwanted children. Risk taking effects the mind, you will not be the same person after you take risks.
    Having sex will not make you an adult, you become an adult by taking responsibility for your actions. There is no such thing as men's work or woman's work, each person has different capabilities, take advantage of those capabilities. An adult does what has to be done, anything less is childish.'
    Doc warned young women, 'Don't become pregnant to get a husband, to get away from home, or that other famous excuse, so you can have some one who will love you. Stop and think. What kind of a home you will be creating. Odds are it will be worse than the one you are in and you will have responsibilities you can't handle. Every baby is an independent person and they will choose who they will love. If you don't want them and don't take care of them they will not love you. Being an unwanted child is worse than death.
    Parents, give your children reasons for not doing something besides saying its a sin or I'll knock your head in. You don't have to explain the details of sex, but you do need to give them reasons why they should wait. Tell your children about the changes in their bodies and how to take care of their bodies. If you can't do it then support your school and have the school do it. To promote the idea that anything normal is a sin, immoral, or dirty is about the most stupid thing you can do.'
    I enjoyed those presentations very much, but that's enough for now."
    They turned to personal jokes, funny only to them, and began to laugh. Another step in the grief process had been reached, now they could talk about Doc without crying. Some times they did cry, but they didn't need to cry. They were sad for a long time and Eve had difficulty with loneliness, but they didn't need to cry any more.
 

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    Eve and Joe turned to stories about Doc's parents, they began with his father. He was born to two Irish immigrants and he was to young to enter the first world war. He managed to become an office boy in a growing ladies apparel company. He talked his way into being an elevator operator, there he could talk to the salesmen. He convinced one to let him be his assistant.
    He carried extra display cases and brought additional ones as needed, the salesman could show the client more items without interrupting his sales pitch. He helped unload the display cases from the baggage car and stored them in the depot freight room while the salesman rented a horse and carriage. He loaded, drove, and unloaded the carriage. He made the salesman's itinerary, he made all the appointments and wrote all the letters.
    After he learned all of the salesman's customers, he called on the customers by himself when ever the opportunity presented itself, which was often because the salesman liked to drink, talk, and eat and he encouraged all three. He gave small gifts to the secretaries and receptionists. He gave the station masters silk stockings for their wives. Soon these people were doing him small favors.
    He brought some merchandise with him and left it in the station freight room. When the salesman stopped for a drink after making a call, he returned to the depot, pick up any items on the order he had brought with him and delivered them to the customer. Needless to say he made friends very rapidly.
    Within a year he replaced the salesman. His sales grew and soon he was the best salesman in the company. With his increased commissions he bought an automobile. He was one of the first salesmen to use a car. There were several advantages and he made the most of them.
    First, he wasn't dependent upon train schedules; second, he could impress his clients by taking them for a ride; third, he packed the back seat and trunk with merchandise and filled the customers order as much as possible as soon as he completed the sale; and fourth it fed his ego.
    There were disadvantages also, poor roads, frequent break downs, and getting lost. He didn't mind two of the disadvantages, he became a good mechanic, and he enjoyed getting lost, he was always taking short cuts. He didn't like the poor roads, he didn't like anything to slow him down.
    One time when he was lost, driving on an isolated stretch of road, he rounded a curve and saw a woman walking on the left side of the road. He slowed to a snails pace and watched her as the distance between them decreased. Something about her attracted him. He debated with himself, "What was the attraction? Was it her slender silhouette or was it the sway of her skirt or the roll of her hips as she walked?" He couldn't decide and surprised himself with, "That's my wife and I haven't seen her face."
    She stopped as he pulled along side her and a ravishingly beautiful young woman turned toward him. He slammed on the brakes. She flushed with excitement as she looked at this handsome young man in the big brand new car. She had never rode in a car and she was easily persuaded to show him the way to the next town. She was not a virgin when they arrived and she would never return home.
    After a few miles, "It's to hot to drive, I need to cool off." He pulled off the road next to a small creek. He always carried food, drink, and blankets. She wasn't hungry or thirsty and he was not making time with her as well as he wanted. He switched to the sure fire method of getting a woman's attention. "I'll give you a pair of silk stockings if you will let me put them on."
    She didn't like the condition, but she wanted the stockings. She had never had any store bought clothing except for shoes. She was excited and couldn't wait for him to return from the car. She sat on the blanket with her hands behind her leaning back on her arms with her feet bare and her skirt pulled up over her knees.
    He sat down on her left side and put her right stocking on first, she raised her leg slightly. She didn't know how far up her leg the stockings would go and was uncomfortable when his hands finally stopped, but at the same time she was very excited and couldn't wait until he put the other one on. She urged him to hurry as she lower her right leg and raised the left one.
    He took his time and slid his hands slowly up her leg. He didn't stop until his right hand went all the way to her crotch. He went out of control when he discovered she wasn't wearing underwear. He pushed her down, lifted her dress up over her hips, roller her over, lifted the back of her dress over her hips, rolled her back, and pushed her legs apart.
    For some reason she couldn't resist, she couldn't even say no. She was in a trance, it was as if nothing was happening. She didn't want to watch him undress and turned her head. The next thing she could remember, he was on her, in her, and kissing her passionately. She was overwhelmed by his passion, but was rather nonplused by the rest of the affair.
    Instinctively, she wrapped her legs around him, making it easy for him to enter. He moved very rapidly, almost violently and didn't stop until he was completely exhausted. He lay on her until he was breathing normally, then rolled over keeping her in his arms. "I love you, I want to marry you." He promised her new clothes, a big house, and anything else she wanted. They talked about themselves and their families.
    Slowly her brain caught up with the events that had just taken place, "Why did you roll me over and raise my dress up on the back side." He hesitated, "So it wouldn't be spotted."
    "Then you have done this before with other women." His face turned red and he was every slow to answer. "Yes, many times, but I swear to you, you will be the only woman for me from now on." He dressed, they picked up his belongings, returned to the car, and drove on.
    He stopped twice before they reached the next town. He couldn't keep his hands off her, he wanted to touch her every time she was near. She encouraged him by staying close, bumping him, and pressing her body against him at every opportunity. She reached orgasm the second time and she wanted that feeling again. She knew women want children, she wanted children, now she knew why women wanted sex.
    They checked into a hotel in the next town and only left their room to eat. They were married several days later. He gave her everything he promised and more. He was very attentive, tender, and gentle with her the first years of their marriage.
    She finally wrote a note to her parents telling them all that happened, well not all. "Please forgive me, I'm happily married, in love, and in good health. I don't know when I will be home again because of my husband's busy schedule."
    Her parents never forgave her, they never spoke her name again. Later they wrote to their grandchildren, but not to her.
    It was the roaring twenties and he introduced her to alcohol, cigarettes, and parties. She quickly adopted her husband's life style after the frugal life on the farm. They spent their entire income on houses, booze, clothes, furniture, jewelry, cars, and lavish parties. They loved the good life and did anything to keep it, they became materialistic whores.
    He moved up the corporate ladder, he received new titles, the biggest clients, and she did what ever was necessary to help him. She was an excellent hostess, she invited all the right people, and did anything to please them. She became the mistress of the marketing vice president when she thought her husband had a chance to take his place after the president retired and he became president.
    When she became pregnant, it was a rude shock, it put a temporary stop to the high life. He became very sullen and angry when he could not have sex when he wanted it because she didn't feel like it. She was sure he was having affairs whenever he was out of town. She hired a nanny and went with him when she could and made the best of it when she couldn't. They adjusted as well as they could which was not very well.
    When she was pregnant with Doc, he would get drunk and beat her stomach when she refused to have sex with him. Doc thought one of those blows caused his abnormal stature. After Doc was born, she aborted all the rest of her pregnancies.
    They ignored their children except when they could be used to their advantage, such as performing for their guests. At five, Doc could recite poetry, the Gettysburg address, or the like. His brother played the violin before and his sister played the piano after and Doc always received a standing ovation, of course, the audience was family, friends, and guests. At nine, he could multiply two six digit numbers in less than a minute without using pencil and paper. By twelve, he could memorize prodigious quantities of written material.
    He fell asleep in the library stacks, heavy heels on the hardwood floors woke him, he grabbed a book and read five pages in less than a minute. This librarian didn't like children loitering in the stacks, let alone the technical stacks. When she rounded the corner and saw him, she asked sternly, "What are you doing here young man?"
    "Reading."
    "I'll bet." Taking the book from his hands, "Tell me what you just read."
    Doc quoted verbatim the five pages. She nearly fainted, "Do you understand what you read?" Fortunately, he did understand some of what he read. It was a book on surgical procedures and that reading sparked his interest in medicine. He read every book in the library on medicine, anatomy, zoology, biology, diseases, etc. That same librarian helped him get permission to use the university library, after he read all the books on those topics in the city library.
    When Doc was six, his mother agreed to go with the vice president to his country retreat for a week. She had morning sickness the next day. He liked to have breakfast in bed as he called it and it was obvious she had no interest in him, even thought she went through the motions in the afternoon and evening.
    "I've had it," he told her, "and I've just remembered something I have to do."
    "I'm sorry, I didn't know I was pregnant."
    They returned to the city to the beginning of the end of the family fortunes. The vice president walked in unannounced. The telephone operator desperately tried to ring his office, but for some reason the jack wouldn't slide into the hole, she became frantic, but she didn't know what to do.
    The vice president thought it odd that his secretary was not at her desk and even more odd that the door to his office was locked. What a surprise to all concerned when he unlocked his door and walked into his office. His father and the secretary were making so much noise they didn't hear him until he was standing over them along side the couch yelling, "You're both fired."
    His secretary did more than take dictation and he didn't want to share her with anyone else. He sat at his desk and watched them dress. He wasn't going to leave and they didn't want to walk out naked. He didn't give them a chance to remove their personal belongings from their desks, he called the janitor and had him empty their desks into a box and put it on the street.
    His father got another sales job, but at half his previous salary. All his customers were in the city which was very convenient, they could entertain them at their large home. If a customer brought his wife, he entertained the wife and she entertained the customer. If a customer came alone, he left the room on some pretext and she entertained the customer.
    They blackmailed a buyer for a large department store, he attended all of their parties, but he wouldn't give him an appointment. One night the buyer drank more than usual. They gave more to drink until he was drunk and had him carried to a bedroom.
    After the other guests left, they undressed him and put him to bed. She got up early and had breakfast in his room to make sure he didn't wake before she was ready. She took his clothes and placed them on the floor, one piece every step from the door to the bed. When the buyer began to stir, she quickly removed her clothes, placed one piece next to his on the floor, and climbed into bed.
    When the buyer rolled onto his side, she snuggled up tight against his back and wrapped her arms around him. A few moments later, the buyer woke with a start, threw her arms off of him and sat up. He looked at the clothes on the floor, "Did I do anything last night?" She replied in a coy tone, "You sure did and I can't wait to compare notes with your wife."
    "No, no, no, no, I will do anything you want, but don't tell anyone about last night. Don't tell anyone."
    "We don't want any thing, we just want to be friends and being good friends we will do as you ask and won't tell anyone about last night."
    He received an appointment the next day and a very large order. He got a large order every time he called. They didn't change their life style and it was only a matter of time before they went bankrupt and were forced to change, even with the large orders they weaseled out of his customers one way or another.
    They sold all their property and bought a smaller house. After another sexual indiscretion, he was fired again. This pattern continued and with each new job came a reduction in income, a change in their life style, a furniture sale, a smaller home, more drinking, and more fighting between them. They ignored their children even more if that was possible.
    When Doc was nine, he and several other children were playing hide and seek in their church after dark, while their parents were attending a meeting in the basement. Doc was hiding behind the pulpit when he heard a woman, "Hurry honey we don't have much time."
    "I'm hurrying as fast as I can."
    It was his father. Doc could only see shadows as they moved behind the alter. They made odd statements to each other which Doc didn't understand. They stopped talking and Doc heard the repeated slap of flesh against flesh, followed by her 'uh'. Slowly and quietly, Doc crawled to the end of the aisle and up the stairs to the choir loft.
    Half way up, he heard the same sounds plus very heavy breathing. As he crawled backward down the stairs, he heard a man, "We must join the others," and his mother, "Come on, one more time." Doc ran into the anteroom and met the other children. "We left when the adults came."
    Before Doc could ask them what was going on the meeting down stairs broke up and the parents called their children. He went outside to wait for his parents, his father was one of the last to leave.
    "Where's mother?"
    "She has another meeting and will come home later."
    These two events on the same night disturbed Doc and even more so when several years later he understood, but he couldn't understand why he was disturbed.
    When Doc was twelve, his family was living in a three room third floor walk up in the slums. Everyone slept in one room, the parents in the bed and the children on mats on the floor. His father couldn't hold a job for more than a month. Both parents were alcoholics. They didn't eat much, but they always had a bottle and they were always fighting. The children did what they could to put food on the table. Doc sold newspapers after school and cleaned offices at night.
    His mother wouldn't have sex with his father, but she would have sex with any man who brought a bottle and she didn't care if the children were home. Their presence didn't inhibit her or the men, they continued as if they were alone as long as they had a bottle.
    The children left if they could, they were to embarrassed to stay, they only came home to eat and sleep. When one was to sick to leave, they watched or listened from behind paper thin doors and walls and told the others what happened.
    His father brought men home to have his mother. He introduced them very formally to his wife, he put a bottle on the kitchen table, pushed the kids into the hallway, "Don't go in until he comes out," and left to find a woman with the man's money.
    Doc went to the library if it was open or he found a place to read, in the hallway, on the steps outside, on the roof, in the train station, anywhere. He didn't know where his brother and sister went. After a couple of hours he returned home hoping the man had left.
    Many times he found his brother and sister sitting at the top of the stairs. Doc would go the door and listen. If the apartment was quiet, he entered, his brother and sister followed. Together they dragged them out of bed, dressed them, and sat them at the kitchen table, then they went to bed.
    Most of the time they were to drunk to resist. Unfortunately, sometimes they weren't and a real free for all ensued. The children usually won by offering them another drink. If that didn't work the children left and walked around the block. The whole event was so embarrassing and unnerving that most men left as soon as they could walk, yelling, "I've never been treated so poorly. I'll never come back."
    It was a sorry mess, but the children didn't know what else to do. What child would tell the authorities their story. Besides similar events were taking place in some of the other apartments.
    When his father couldn't get sex from another woman, he returned and fondled his sister. If she resisted, which she did most of the time, he beat her. Over the next six months, he progressed to fondling plus undressing her to fondling, undressing, and raping her. He beat her before he wanted sex to reduce her resistance when he was ready.
    If Doc or his brother interfered, he beat them. Depending on his mood, he beat all of them before he raped her. Most of the time he waited until the brothers left or he pushed them out the door and locked it. When he finished, he left to get drunk, then Doc stopped the bleeding noses, bandaged the cuts and scrapes, and put ice on the swellings. His sister nick named him 'Doc' and he was never again called by any other name.
    Doc carried his newspapers in a newspaper bag, the other boys carried their papers under their arms. Doc kept his medical supplies in a small draw string bag. He put it and his library books in the bottom of the newspaper bag. He carried the newspaper bag everywhere, even to bed, for two reasons. First, to prevent his father from throwing out his medical supplies and library books and second, so they were always available.
    Doc added new items to his medical bag as a new need arose and after he learned how to use them. He replaced his library books as often as he could. His father didn't touch the newspaper bag, he knew Doc would bring him a bottle as long as Doc was able to sell newspapers. The other children were not as dependable as Doc, so he left Doc's newspaper bag alone. Also, Doc always handed him a bottle as soon as he came home so his father wouldn't have a reason to get into his newspaper bag.
    It became a nightly ritual, when their father came home, to offer him a drink and then another until he passed out, so he was incapable of inflicting any more harm. The ritual continued until Doc's last summer at grandparents farm. While Doc was at the farm, his brother finally convinced his sister, "I have to leave or I will kill my father. You had better come with me."
    "I can't leave Doc."
    "We'll send a letter to Doc and meet him at the station."
    No one met Doc, he didn't expect anyone because he came home three days early, they didn't receive his letter and he didn't receive their's. He got off the train and walked home. When he arrived, the door was open and the rooms were empty. He asked the neighbors and each told a different part of the story. His parents came home drunk as usual and fought at the top of the first flight of stairs. She lost her balance and he tried to catch her, but lost his balance and instead of preventing her from falling, he fell into her, pushing her faster. She landed on the third step from the bottom and he rolled all the way to the bottom, over her to the wall. She was dead before the first floor residents could reach her. He recovered and listened to the residents tell him, "She's dead and you killed her." He got up and pushed through the crowd, never to be seen again.
    His family didn't keep records, so no one knew how to get in touch with the other family members, many years later, Doc located his brother and sister. Doc didn't know what to do, he paced the floor until he was hungry, went and got something to eat and returned. When night came, he lay on the floor. He cried, he didn't know why. It was a relief to be free of his parents, he certainly didn't have any respect for them and he wasn't sure he loved them, but still he cried. He didn't cry long, he suddenly felt very tired and fell asleep, his grief for his parents lasted less than a month.
    The noise of another family moving in woke him after a very restless night, obviously, he couldn't stay in the apartment. He returned to his old jobs of selling newspapers after school and cleaning offices at night. He faked leaving and hid until the rest of the cleaning staff left and found a place to sleep. He bought an alarm clock so he could sleep longer and still leave before the office workers arrived.
    Weekends were more difficult, he slept in unlocked cars or trucks. The weather was turning colder and he knew he had to find away to stay warm on the weekends. He went to the library when he was not working, partly to read and partly to keep warm. Doc read the want adds every day, one reappeared several times, 'Wanted a man to work in a warehouse on Saturday.' The owner of a small pharmaceutical warehouse was unwilling and unable to pay very much.
    Doc got the job when the owner learned that Doc could read and pronounce all the labels in the warehouse and was willing to work in exchange for a place to sleep. "You can start Saturday." Doc walked away feeling very relieved. On Saturday, the owner told him, "Your job is to help me unload any freight cars, load any trucks not finished on Friday or that came in on Saturday and to keep the stove going during the weekend."
    The loading dock was empty so the owner showed Doc how to make out the paper work for each transaction. The owner was amazed at how fast Doc learned. When he was finished with the paperwork lesson, he walked Doc through the warehouse. On the way back to the office, Doc told him, "You have many duplications in the warehouse."
    "That can't be." Doc told him the total inventory. The owner stared at him.
    "Get your inventory sheet and I will show you."
    When the inventory records didn't agree with Doc, they took a physical inventory. Doc walked directly to the item while the owner checked each stack until he found the item. When the count agreed with the inventory records, Doc took him to one or more stacks of the same item at different locations and the new total agreed with Doc's count. When the count disagreed with the inventory records, it did agree with Doc's count. The owner was flabbergasted, Doc was right every time.
    Before he could recover, "I'll put all like items together and update the inventory records. The owner went back to the office and Doc didn't see him the rest of the day. Doc was oblivious to time, when he thought he had done a days work, he stopped and walked back to the office. On the desk was a note, 'The little room behind the office is yours. The two keys on the desk are for the padlocks on the door and the fence gate. I will see you Monday morning at seven.'
    Doc checked the gate and all the doors. He locked the open ones and turned off the lights except for the little room and the front entrance. In the little room, he found an old cot with a thin mattress, a sheet, and a wool blanket. He made his bed and used his newspaper bag filled with packing material as a pillow. He ate the food he brought, went to bed, and slept. He slept until past noon, the first good sleep since he returned from the farm, he felt good. He got something to eat, returned, finished rearranging the inventory, and slept until the warehouse men came the next morning. They were standing in the entryway drinking coffee, waiting for the owner when Doc came out and introduced himself.
    "I rearranged the warehouse to save steps. If you like the arrangement, I will make more changes, if not I'll rearrange it until you do. See you next Friday before you leave." Doc left as the owner came, they said, 'Hi and good bye'.
    Doc rearranged the warehouse, the work, and the office procedures, sometimes without the others realizing a change had been made. The owner prospered and the workers got small raises. Doc worked at the warehouse for seven years.
    Doc arrived at the warehouse before the men left on Friday. The foreman understood what Doc had tried to do and suggested some changes of his own. None of the workers could read or write. The owner told them about Doc's inventory count and it was standard procedure for them to test Doc's abilities. Doc liked to show off and he did it in a way that didn't offend anyone, it was like a joke everyone enjoyed. After the men left, Doc walked into the little room, a locker and a pillow had been added, he slept very well.
    The front part of the warehouse was heated to prevent the inventory from freezing. The little room had two vents which let some heat in from the office, keeping it somewhat warmer than the front part of the warehouse, it was better than sleeping in unlock vehicles. The following week the owner told him, "You can stay all week if you keep the stove going, my night man quit, he found another job."
    "I'll be glad to." Doc quit the office cleaning job when the owner gave him a small salary. He sold newspapers after school, bought something to eat, and went to the warehouse before the men left. This new arrangement raised Doc's spirits, so much so, he helped anyone without thought of compensation.
    While selling newspapers one day, he heard a cab driver exclaim, "Why me, lady? Why my cab?" Doc turn to see if he could help. A young woman was about to deliver. "Is this your first one?" She hesitated until a contraction let up, "No, my third." Doc timed the contraction, it was long and strong and timed the interval between contractions. The next one came very quickly and again it was long and strong. "We don't have much time. Do you remember what we have to do?" She nodded. "We'll help you," he looked at the cab driver who shrugged his shoulders.
    Doc spread his unsold newspapers in the gutter and put his medical bag on the front seat. He removed scissors, a towel, and a small rubber sheet from his medical bag. He put the scissors in his shirt pocket, the towel over his shoulder, and spread the rubber sheet on the edge of the back seat and let the rest fall to the newspapers.
    He told her to remove her skirt and underwear and sit on the rubber sheet and lie back. He opened the back window all the way, place his folded newspaper bag in the window, place one leg on the bag, and handed the other leg to the cabby.
    It was a textbook delivery, everything happened the way the medical books depicted. He held the baby on one arm, cut the cord, and let everything else fall to the newspapers. A woman brought some water, he washed and dried the baby, the mother, himself, and the rubber sheet. He rolled up the newspapers, threw them in a trash can, put his things in the medical bag, and the medical bag into his newspaper bag. After the cab left for the hospital to finish what he couldn't, he went to the warehouse as if it was just another routine day.
    A small crowd gathered during the delivery, Doc didn't notice, he was in another world. The cab driver never forgot Doc and they met many times. Some of the people in the crowd didn't forget either. They ask Doc to help with other deliveries and other medical problems. Slowly at first and then more frequently. They asked him to help with a delivery, to splint a broken limb, or to put stitches in a bad cut, until he was averaging one or more a week. Some he referred to the hospital or a doctor for further treatment. When they asked, they would not believe a teen age boy had done the preliminary work.
    This was the first delivery for Doc, there would be so many more he would lose count and the memory of them would fade, but he marveled at the miracle of birth, each and every time. This was the beginning of Doc's career, another chapter closed and another began.

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